Missing Scenes
by kisstherain
Summary: I'm not going there to die, I'm going there to see if I really am alive. He was seeing her laughing, and smiling, and talking, and suddenly he's seeing her dieing, and he doesn't think he can take it. Missing scenes from Spike's former life.


Title: Missing Scenes

Author: Gail

Disclaimer: The characters of Cowboy Bebop **_DO NOT _**belong to me.

A/N: First off, this wonderful little piece of fiction here is a GiftFic to one of my bestest friends ever, Javer. He is awesome. (Especially for putting up with my idiotic-crazy ways.) Merry Christmas. Grin Sorry it's so damn late. I suck, I know.

More A/Ns:

1. "You're Gunna Carry That Weight" is from the last episode of Cowboy BeBop. It's in bold because I felt like it.

2. The Flashbacks start from the most recent, and move farther back in time.

-

_"I'm not going there to die, I'm going there to see if I really am alive."_

Spike remembered saying those words to Faye. He couldn't remember right now quite what they were talking about, but he remembers her face when he said it.

Oddly dark purple hair, outlining her slightly disappointed, confused face.

Blue eyes.

Wait... that wasn't right, was it?

And suddenly the picture in his mind was transforming. The purple, straight, hair was growing longer and wavier. Lighter, until it finally reached that golden yellow color. Suddenly, it was no longer Faye he was seeing. It was _her_, and Spike didn't really want to think about _her_ right now, but he couldn't help it. He was seeing her laughing, and smiling, and talking, and suddenly he's seeing her dieing, and he doesn't think he can take it.

**(FLASHBACK)**

Spike knelt next to Julia's body, brushing her hair from her eyes.

"This is... a dream" she whispered, her tearful eyes slowly closing.

Spike's own eyes held no tears, only regret.

"Yeah, just... a bad dream."

**(FLASHBACK)**

Spike sat against the gravestone, closing his eyes and leaning his head back as he took a drag from his cigarette.

He sighed, looking down at his watch before walking away.

**(FLASHBACK) **

"When this is over, I'm leaving the syndicate." Spike put his hands into the air, stretching before sitting up on the bed. Julia shook her head, glancing over to him. "You'll be killed."

"I'll let them say I'm dead. I'll be waiting at the graveyard. Of course, I will be alive." He closed his eyes, waiting for the words he knew she was about to say, mouthing them along with her.

"I... can't come with you."

"Come with me" Spike said anyways, turning on the bed to face her. "We'll leave here... We'll escape from this world."

Julia scoffed, sitting up and looking pointedly at him before standing and walking across the room"And then what are we going to do"

"We'll just live a life of freedom somewhere. Just like watching a dream..." Spike closed his eyes, before walking to the door. "I'll be waiting for you Julia, at the graveyard."

**(FLASHBACK)**

A half-sleeping Spike opened the door to his apartment, almost shutting it once he saw who was on the other side.

"Spike, please..." Julia opened the door the rest of the way, and Spike saw the reason for her arrival. A large purple bruise covered the right side of her face, her hair barely concealing it.

Spike wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her inside. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

**(FLASHBACK)**

"This has to stop."

Spike paused, confused by the sudden abruptness of the comment. "What? I don't have to leave for"

"Vicious" Julia interrupted as she sat up on the bed, adjusting her tank top. She ran her fingers through her wavy blonde hair, and felt Spike's movement behind her. "What about him" His voice was jerky, stiff; he hated talking about him during these times. _His _times with her.

"He knows."

Spike shook his head"Impossible. Julia" She interrupted him again, turning around. Her fingers left a cold trail down his neck.

"Goodbye Spike."

"Wait, Julia"

She was already gone.

**(FLASHBACK)**

Spike stood behind the building, kicking his foot against the back-road with boredom. He looked up, suddenly, seeing the blonde walking towards him.

"You came."

Julia only smiled, seeing the flowers in Spike's hands. He leaned forwards when she came to a stop in front of him, and he closed his eyes before pressing his lips against hers.

He knew it was wrong; she was with Vicious, he was supposed to be Vicious' partner, not trying to steal his girlfriend. He knew if Vicious found out he would show both of them how he got the name.

But… she was kissing him back, and he forgot everything else.

**(FLASHBACK)**

"Who is she?" Spike whispered to the bartender, staring at the beautiful blonde at the end of the bar.

The bartender looked down, before nodding. "Vicious' girl, that is. Don't want to mess with him." Spike knew that only too well.

He made his way carefully down the bar, sitting next to the beauty. "May I buy you a drink?" A small grin was adorned on his face, as he tapped a finger on her empty cup, and then touched the pocket of her jacket lightly.

"No, you may not."

Spike grinned despite the cold voiced letdown, and walked out, feeling eyes focusing on the back of his head. The women read the words written on a small piece of paper she found her in pocket.

**(REALITY)**

Maybe...

Maybe this was really all a dream.

Maybe Spike would wake up tomorrow, and Julia would be on her side next to him in bed. Her hair would be messy and she would still be asleep. Maybe he would trace his fingers over her shoulders, and she would catch his hand in hers.

Maybe none of this had happened.

Maybe Spike could let this darkness enfold him.

Maybe...

-

**YOU'RE GUNNA CARRY THAT WEIGHT**

**-**


End file.
